Fantasy In Glass

Helping Keep The Postal Worker Busy

How To Buy Stuff From Us Without Actually Showing Up Here

We have placed our ordering and shipping information which naturally is carefully outlined in typical FIG manner, below.

To the Diary

Ordering & Shipping Info
Call our toll-free line at 1-800-841-5758 to place your order. Shipping is available anywhere in Canada- 1/2 hour later in Newfoundland.

Secure Ordering
To maintain a high level of security we process your credit card and personal information by asking you for that stuff over the phone when you call our toll-free number. We don't use encrypted transmissions to a secured server because we're not sure what that means and quite frankly that scares us, but we are going to look into it. In Canada call toll free 1-800-841-5758 to place an order (easy, eh?!).

Alternate Ordering Methods
If and when you have finished laughing you can print out the FIG Web Specials page as if it were an authentic shopping cart order form and fax it to us at 416-252-8915, with your credit card, shipping and contact info suitably scrawled on said page. As for security, the fax machine is in Mikey's office; more commonly referred to as the Ivory Tower, and is an area of the store that strikes fear and loathing into all who enter it.

Payment & Shipping Costs
For payment of your purchases we accept Visa or MasterCard in Canadian funds. Heck on a slow day Mikey's even been known to accept Canadian Tire money. We regret we can no longer accept any other means of payment as our barnyard is now full! Shipping costs will be added to your purchase. They will be calculated based upon the weight, size, destination and odour of the package as well as the mood of the shipping department that day. We suggest you try to avoid Mondays. Merchandise will be shipped via Canada Post or UPS whichever is more economical, although Pat prefers the nice brown shorts that Bruno from UPS is inclined to wear on occasion.

Returns
If you have a problem with any merchandise we will gladly provide you with a list of our competitors (kidding...Mikey). Just call us toll free for assistance or return authorization within 48 hours of receipt. All returned items must be in the original unopened factory packaging. If not, a bottle of VSOP Brandy must accompany the return.

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ATTENTION
Parts of Quantum Theory suggest that when you are not directly observing these products, they fail to exist,
or exist in an indefinable and poorly understood fashion. The manufacturers,
therefore cannot guarantee their function or existence.

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