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One of our many conscientious order
line operators hard at work serving you
Call our toll-free line at 1-800-841-5758 to place your order. Shipping is
available anywhere in Canada, and 1/2 hour later in Newfoundland.
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Secure Ordering
To maintain a high level of security we process your credit card and personal
information by asking you for that stuff over the phone when you call our
toll-free number. We don't use encrypted transmissions to a secured server
because we're not sure what that means and quite frankly that scares us,
but we are going to look into it. In Canada call toll-free 1-800-841-5758 to place an order (easy, eh?!).
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Alternate Ordering Methods
If and when you have finished laughing you can print out the FIG Web
Specials page as if it were an authentic shopping cart order form and fax it
to us at 416-252-8915, with your credit card, shipping
and contact info suitably scrawled on said page. As for security, the fax
machine is in Mikey's office, more commonly referred to as the Ivory Tower
and is an area of the store that strikes fear and loathing into anyone who
enters it.
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Payment & Shipping Costs
For payment of your purchases we accept Visa or Mastercard in Canadian
funds. Heck on a slow day Mikey's even been known to accept Canadian Tire
money. We regret we can no
longer can accept any other means of payment as our barnyard is now full. Shipping costs will be added to
your purchase. They will be calculated based upon the weight, size,
destination and odour of the package as well as the mood of the shipping
department that day. We suggest you try to avoid Mondays. Merchandise will
be shipped via Canada Post or UPS which ever is more economical, although
Pat prefers the nice brown shorts that Bruno from UPS is inclined to wear
on occassion.
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Returns
If you have a problem with any merchandise we will gladly provide you with
a list of our competitors(kidding...Mikey). Just call us toll free for
assistance or return authorization within 48 hours of receipt. All returned
items must be in the original unopened factory packaging. If not, a bottle
of VSOP Brandy must accompany the return.
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ATTENTION
Parts of Quantum Theory suggest that when you are not directly observing
these products, they fail to exist,
or exist in an undefinable and poorly understood fashion. The manufacturers,
therefore cannot guarantee their function or existence.
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